happyness

chelsea, new york
(foto: ipanema beach, circa 2004)

i realized it in dolores park the other day: in my speedo, my body exposed to the strong sun, a clear sky overhead, and the freedom to do with my day what i wanted, that this to me was the ultimate happiness.
people search the world over for their happiness. they conquer lofty feats or pursue expensive things, but to me it was that moment, that moment of near nakedness, of simplicity, of nature and sun, that was essentially the epitome of my entire existence. it was a sense of death, that we come into this world naked and we also leave it that way, that despite all there is to grasp for and collect in this life, we really only have a moment like i had in dolores park. we can experience our bodies, we can savour the freshness of the air, be grateful for the day, perhaps we can appreciate the view, but there’s not much more than that. and if there is, perhaps it’s falsity.
it seemed silly and even a little sad, that that was it for me. “i could die in this moment,” i said aloud, “and everything would be alright.” i thought, the fact that i have realizations like this is what makes me freakish, different from other people. but perhaps this naked feeling is something that all people should one day achieve. perhaps i had just found it sooner.
but it was of no consequence. i just rested in my own happiness and freedom on the subject. aware of all the scrambling we can do in life. completely let it go.